I had a dream last night that I found him, that I was laying with my head in his lap as he combed through my hair with his fingertips. He listened as I opened up about my deepest fears in letting someone love me. I shared with him my fear of imposing my life on another’s, how I’ve continually allowed for guys to hide me for fear of their open rejection, my continual “settling” for less than what I know I need for fear of not being worthy of finding it, my lack of strength to not falter in my passions and goals in order to be flexible and accommodating to someone else’s… and as I let each fear roll off my tongue he sat there combing through my hair with his fingertips, listening to every word I spoke allowing me to finish my full thought. As I finished he looked down at me with this reassuring and comforting love in his eyes and said, “I wish those fears were not your concerns. I love you for all that you are and all that you’ll be. I want to show you that you’re my world and that I want to help you let go of those fears.” I immediately felt this calming sensation flow through me. I felt comforted and warm, the tension eased away… he rubbed my back softly until I fell back asleep.He whispered to me, “everything will be okay, you’ll find me when the time is right, but until then, everything will be okay…”
I woke up this morning so calm, with a strength I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though who ever “he” is knew me in a way no one else ever could, in a way that no one else ever will. He passed no judgement on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and cherished all the good and bad that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I find an eerie comfort in that dream and today, I’m okay with all that I am and all that I’ve become. And I’m reminded… Everything will be okay.