I struggle often with the balance between writing what I think or feel and writing what I know will be received well. These last few months I’ve struggled a lot with what is and isn’t appropriate for this blog, which has resulted in a lot of not writing. It’s strange that I can coach other people on being open and honest, but I, myself, struggle to achieve the perfect level of vulnerability.
This past week I received the most bizarrely-blunt advice that I could have ever needed to hear, changing my outlook on how my life is slowly piecing together. It continues to play over in my ears and I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me.
I’ve found myself becoming more distant recently from friends and people I have always had a strong connection with because there is so much doubt in what I’m doing and my recent life choices. All of which have been hard for me to swallow because I feel like I used to provide a strong support for others, that I just can’t understand the lack of support I have recently received. Maybe it’s all my perception and projection of my insecurities… that’s quite possible. Regardless, the cutting words I hear often each day (whether said with malicious intent or not) have worn deeply on my spirit and it wasn’t really until my coffee meeting last week that I understood how somewhat lonely of a life I may be choosing. Yet, if given the option, I’d choose this path each time over and over again.
So few people will ever understand my decisions, my desires, or my goals. That is out of my control. What is in my control is my reaction to this lack of understanding. Instead of feeling hurt or bullied out of doing what makes my heart feel whole, I need to continue to seek out others who have been through what I’m experiencing: those that have chosen a path of work-life integration, those that are working close to 80 hours a week to avoid the 40-hour workweek, those that understand the desire to have more than a job, but instead this rare lifestyle that I’m so determined to obtain.
The path to independent working is a long, yet very worthwhile, road. It’s my path of choice, and the only option my life will accept. It’s a matter of ignoring the assumptions, judgment, and ill commentary. Instead, finding empowerment in knowing what I do makes a difference; empowerment in knowing one day I will contribute to increased efficiencies in communication and business interactions.
When I let people impose their judgments on my lifestyle, I need to remember… it’s just not acceptable. It’s not worth missing deadlines because I’m keeping to-do lists on sticky notes that I continually lose all because I’m too afraid of pulling my phone out when in the public eye for fear of the never-ending jokes of my “addiction” to technology. I need to remember to remind myself of that bizarrely-blunt and needed advice I got that day: “You’re the social media person. Own it. And to hell with them.”
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you are born to stand out”
Reality of Dreaming 